He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
