She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
