I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize