Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
