guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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