Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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