Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
