It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
