i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
