Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
