forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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