I'm gonna have a badass scar
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
