Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
