True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
