You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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