apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
