just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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