So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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