Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
