There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
