That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I will be naked everywhere
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
