The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
