What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
