"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
