For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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