On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
