your room smells of hookers.
And success
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I love you. Go after that dick
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
