Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
