I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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