If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
