I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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