I just saw a hot homeless man
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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