So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize