I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
