They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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