can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
