Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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