i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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