I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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