as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize