I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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