Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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