I need to stop coming to work sober
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
