I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
