The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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