even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
