I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
