I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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