I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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