did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
