May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
