Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
