Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
