Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
