why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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