"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
