"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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