Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
