you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
