I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
