oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
