Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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