Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
