well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
