so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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