No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
