My first STD was from a foam party
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
