Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
