I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
