Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
