I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
