Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
