i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
