I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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