She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
