too bad you live with your parents still
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
