you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
