I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
