Swine flu is the new snow day.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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