I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
