i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
