how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize