i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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