i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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