Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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